England have a perennial identity crisis

There are claims from a Mailboxer that Thomas Tuchel doesn’t like Jude Bellingham after starting him on the bench as England beat Serbia on Thursday.

Plus, England‘s perennial identity crisis, the bomb squad, Phil Foden, Arne Slot, Fulham and more.

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England have a perennial identity crisis

Rich, AFC – the Foden Stans being everywhere is strange; I think the football media in England is so vast that it just feeds on narrative rather than waiting for something to happen – eg the Seinfeld quote about how every day there’s always the right amount of news to fill a newspaper. When an international break arrives, there isn’t anything happening and there isn’t any narrative, so the tiniest crumbs of nothing get Farage-scale attention. Hence an assist that is as impressive as a David Nugent goal is now Ruud Gullit 88.

But this happens a lot with England. The footballing super-nations – your Brazils, Spains, Irelands – know you can only put 11 players on the pitch at once, and so they know they will always have a stack of brilliant players who aren’t playing, or even the bench. Case in point: Villa’s Pau Torres and Boubs Kamara doing nothing during the interlull (more accurately, Emery getting them in for 10 hours a day of Clockwork Orange sessions watching videos of Leeds). Whereas less populous nations stick the good players in first, then pick players around them to make the side work properly; eg Scotland being 70% left-back.

England have a perennial identity crisis here. English people feel ‘British’ 90% of the time; and if our home footballing nation were the UK rather than England, I think the level of success achieved would be a lot closer to the way we talk. With the occasional need to swap out some Irishmen/Jan Molby, we’d have been watching national teams built around Stein’s Celtic, Busby’s Utd, Revie’s Leeds, Boot Room Liverpool, Kendall’s Everton, Ferguson’s Aberdeen/Utd, Smith’s Rangers, etc. (Obviously, there were a lot of English players winning European trophies for Forest and Villa in the 70s and 80s who could have gone to tournaments possibly? Obviously that would have meant dropping some useless West Ham/Spurs players, horror of horrors)

READ: Chelsea, Tottenham stars among seven current England squad members facing World Cup snub

Just one international trophy in 60+ years with *those* players? Come on. Obviously everyone would have hated each other to a degree that would make England’s ‘we sat at different tables!’ Sven years look even more pathetic, and obviously this is a hypothetical that only English people ever consider. But this is the national team that would match our attitude, not England.

But when the UK disassembles for the international break, England has normally been closer to the smaller nations’ experience. There is always a clamour to ram all the good players into the side, and make them work by some form of magic. The back 3/4/5 has usually been something we can cope with; but Shilton/Clemence caused a ridiculous taking-turns mess; and when it comes to playmakers, well: Keegan, Hoddle, Wilkins, Barnes, Waddle, Rocastle, Webb, Merson, McManaman, Redknapp, Anderton, Scholes, Lampard, Gerrard, Joe Cole, and so on up, to Trent and Foden today. How many good tournament performances have they clocked up between them? But seeing a £100m player on the bench because there’s no room for them, while a £10m player is on the pitch in his right position, is just something that people cannot abide, so in the galacticos must go.

But is it just Lee Dixon, Rowley Birkin, Richard al-Keys, the Sunday Supplement Retirement Community, who think this way? No. You yourself have decided Morgan Rogers is not in the top 3 players to be considered for the number 10 position, which is Jude Bellingham’s by right according to F365. Apparently we’re in denial or the memory hole when it comes to Harry Kane now? When we’re losing in a quarter final vs Argentina in 45 degree heat, and one of the Martinezes has prompted Saint Jude to throw an Aldridge and get sent off – we all know it’s coming – let’s see how chuffed we are when Kane makes camp in the wrong penalty area. But substitute him? Drop him? Heaven forbid.

Neil Raines

Does Tuchel dislike Bellingham?

I think you’re vastly underestimating how much Tuchel hates Jude’s attitude. If it comes down to ability, of course Bellingham starts. Being the best player in Spain at his age was an astonishing achievement, especially in his first season there.

But Jude is an a******e and Thomas does *not* like that. All that gubbins about his Mum was garbage. It is *Tuchel* who finds Bellingham’s attitude repulsive. And he chose his words with precision, there was no linguistic misunderstanding. It was an extraordinary, even unprecedented attack on a player of Jude’s stature, which I believe, says an awful lot.

Remember, he starts for Madrid right now, as he will for a good while yet. Being a wombat of a personality is almost de rigeur for that club. But he was sub last night and although he did well, it still said a lot that he didn’t start.

I believe Tuchel would rather leave Bellingham at home for the World Cup. Team morale and cohesiveness improved out of sight without him. But Thomas is no fool. The media wouldn’t wear it and neither would the supporter base in reality.

Tommy would have really, really have to believes it would vastly improve his chances to win the World Cup. It’s a bar steward of a risk , too much so really.

But there’s no * of course * he starts – in my opinion. Thomas didn’t do all this for s***s and giggles. If Jude doesn’t considerably temper the more histrionic dislikeable attributes of his personality in the rest of the season, then don’t be surprised to see him on the bench when the tournament starts.

And a better soul Jude would be as a result.

James, Liverpool and England

READ: The discarded England XI without a hope of a World Cup squad place

England bomb squad

Last week, Tuchel took a trip to Pennyhill Park to observe a training session for the England rugby squad.

Last night showed why he was there. He’s looking at the concept of bomb squads.

It’s going to be hot in the USA, hotter than 1994, and it will be benches that win the World Cup. Your best players don’t necessarily have to start.

Keep the defence on for the 90 and bring on pace and skill for the final 30.

Foden, Bellingham and Eze were great playing that role, and that what I think we need to do going forward.

Peter B

England team

Tell me your TV’s been broken for several years without telling me your TV’s been broken for several years….

Ian Watson: I’d play Foden off the left for England.

Give. Me. Fucking. Strength.

B Wilson. Melbourne, Australia.

Did anyone else find it kinda surreal to see Phil Foden playing like Phil Foden for England? It seems the #9 role is the only one where he can use his Man City skillset effectively for the 3 lions.

Ben T

Slot found out

There’s much talk that Slot was found out in the second half of last season. Would just point out that in the 12 league games from January 1st until we won the league our record was 9 wins, 2 draws (2-2 with Everton – the Tarkowski goal and Villa – Darwin missed an open goal) and one defeat 3-2 to Fulham. That would have us top of the league this season on track for 92 points. We’ll sort it out, but the target for this season now has to be top 4 and a cup run.

I think the point made a couple of days ago is the right one – we’ve tried to change too much too quickly and adapting to a post-Salah team while Salah is still there is clearly not working. Maybe it’s just the Liverpool way – I read a stat that Liverpool haven’t defended a trophy since 1984!

Tom, Andover.

Mood around Fulham…

Re the Mood Ranking of the clubs at the moment, I think you might have Fulham a little wrong. I was on the train home with a load of them after the game at the Hill Dixie, and a fair few really do think that they’re going down. I’m not sure many of us agreed, but that fanbase is in a funk!

Aidan, EFC, Hoxton (although currently in rainy Somerset)

READ: How Lincoln City turned a cup run into a genuine club legacy

The myth of the fastest goal

I see the myth of Bryan Robson scoring the fastest goal in the World Cup has reared its head again in your famous Friday quiz.

Bryan ‘Robbo’ Robson scored after 27 seconds against France in the 1982 World Cup. A great achievement, a great goal, a great moment but not even the quickest goal in the World Cup up to that point. Vaclav Masek scored after 16 seconds for Czechoslovakia against Mexico in 1962.

But pedantry isn’t really the point of this mail. It is more to ask why this myth has prevailed? The 1982 World Cup is barely mentioned without reference to Bryan Robson scoring the fastest goal at a World Cup after 27 seconds. If you Google ‘Bryan Robson fastest world cup goal’ you get thousands of articles all saying the same thing. Why?

It has since been battered and the actual record is 11 seconds by Hakan Sukur in 2002. I got a free VHS by collecting Smiths Square Crisps wrappers and sending them off on which Bryan Robson himself discussed this and he said he didn’t understand where the myth came from and showed a clip of Masek scoring against Mexico.

So, where did the myth come from and why is it still used so readily when it was never true in the first place and has since been obliterated by a much quicker goal anyway? And won’t someone think of Ernst Lehner who scored after just 26 seconds for Germany against Austria in 1934?

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