'Off to Dr Bibber at Feyenoord with shaky knees'

Columnist Guido Tijman takes a satirical look at events in the world of football every week. This time, he turns his attention to the long list of injuries at Feyenoord and the curious injury news surrounding Kylian Mbappé.

For a moment, the football world was in an uproar. Kylian Mbappé – currently the best player in the world – was reportedly given the green light after an MRI scan was performed on the wrong knee. According to French outlet RMC Sport, the right knee was examined, whilst the symptoms were actually in the left knee. The result? Playing three matches with a tear in his cruciate ligament, after which he was sidelined for three weeks.

French players in the Spanish capital appear not to be a good medical fit, because if we are to believe L’Equipe, Eduardo Camavinga’s right ankle was examined whilst, you guessed it, the problems were with his left ankle. Camavinga too was reportedly fit to play again, after which his injury worsened and he too was sidelined for weeks.

Do the medical specialists at the richest and most successful club in the world really no longer know the difference between left and right as soon as a Frenchman is on the treatment table? The French media were crowing that they did, but Mbappé himself dismissed all the rumours as pure fiction. Urban myth or not: Real Madrid acted just as opportunistically as it does with players and coaches – and sacked several members of the medical staff.

Itziar González, the dietitian who had previously been sacked, once again launched a scathing attack, speaking about how the medical specialists – who had bullied her out of the job – were using the free version of ChatGPT to prescribe supplements. Meanwhile, in January, Real Madrid brought Niko Mihic back as head of the medical staff. A telling detail: the Croatian was sacked again in 2023 due to a spate of injuries at the club.

Medical mismanagement reigns at Los Blancos. Slovakia’s medical staff were also accused of this by Feyenoord, after Leo Sauer – against all advice from the Rotterdam side – was selected to face Kosovo and was forced off before half-time with a muscle injury that will once again keep him sidelined for a long time.

But whilst Ms González may still harbour a grudge, the medical (mismanagement) policy of the club from the South does appear to be based on the free version of ChatGPT. Consulted by the head of the medical staff: Doctor Bibber. Despite all the placenta treatments, sprinklings of Lourdes water, prayer healings, shamanistic rituals, ice baths and clay therapies: for two years now, an injury monster has been rampant in Rotterdam South.

There are regularly more than a dozen players on the sidelines, and in 2026 another one is added almost every week. Bart Nieuwkoop came on as a substitute against FC Twente for the injured Gijs Smal and, seven minutes later – without having touched the ball – went off injured himself. A few weeks later, on his return against Excelsior, he was forced off again. This time for the rest of the season.

Anyone hoping to bag an autograph or a selfie with a Feyenoord player is more likely to succeed at Maasstad Hospital or the Rijndal Rehabilitation Clinic than at De Kuip or Varkenoord. Brian Priske and Robin van Persie’s men are in danger of leaving behind a legacy of a ‘plaster cast generation’ full of injury-plagued legends. They fall like glass dominoes. With cartilage as brittle as crispbread. Whereas opponents used to arrive at De Kuip with wobbly knees, it is now the Feyenoord players who go to Doctor Bibber with wobbly knees.

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